i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
