I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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