So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
