The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
