life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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