i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
