I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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