I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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