I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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