i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
