I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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