Please, let me fuck your mom
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask