so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.