i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
