HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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