In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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