That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
