Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
