I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
