I don't usually arrange sex via text message
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize