Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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