i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
