her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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