Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
