this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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