I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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