I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize