all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
