Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
