how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
