I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
