I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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