Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
