5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
