Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
