This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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