i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
