Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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