In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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