so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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