My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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