Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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