He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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