and you said cock pushups were impossible
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
