I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
