She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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