oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
