Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
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Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
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Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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