Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
