Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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