Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
