Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My vagina just clenched in fear
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
