he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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