SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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