that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
