I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
