So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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