I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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