watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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