Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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