I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
