i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
