And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
