I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
