She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
